


Your Mind and Mine

by Onehelluvapilot



Series: Febuwhump [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29098368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onehelluvapilot/pseuds/Onehelluvapilot
Summary: The Knights of Camelot get possessed/have their willpower taken away a lot. This is some of the fallout.
Series: Febuwhump [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134998
Comments: 10
Kudos: 66





	Your Mind and Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by the lovely writer LiGi, who is also doing febuwhump with Merlin characters! Go check her out!
> 
> All remaining mistakes are mine

Ever since the incident with the Lamia, everyone had been quieter than usual. Well, except for Gwaine, who tried his best to fill the silences. They’d returned to a brief joviality at Lancelot’s return, before learning that he was in fact a Shade, controlled by Morgana. Even though they’d gotten him, the real him, back somehow, it had left a specter over their company. The returned knight was quieter than he had been before, more reserved, and when he did interact with the others it was usually with an apology on his lips. That was the way it was with all of them, actually. Though they all could remember only snippets of what they’d done under the woman’s influence, the knowledge that they’d fought with each other and hurt Merlin and Gwen seemed to poison their relationships. And Elyan’s possession by the ghost boy was like a kick in the gut when they were already down.

It was the second training session they’d had since the last event, and Arthur had dismissed all but the Round Table knights so that they could have a chance to fight unobserved and unjudged. His realization that they might desire to do so was a rare moment of insight on his part (and in fact Merlin had suggested it). They were all appreciative of it, especially when Leon and Gwaine went up against each other in a practice bout. They swung at and parried one another until, almost at once, they both stumbled back. Gwaine dropped his sword with a stricken look of horror on his face, while Leon clutched at his head. Percival and Elyan were instantly by their sides.

“I’m fine,” Leon insisted, waving away the offered help although he still pressed the heel of his hand against his temple. “It’s just a… what was the word you used for it, Merlin?”

“A flashback?” the servant suggested, and he nodded. “That makes sense. You and Gwaine fought while under the Lamia’s spell, so fighting now may have triggered it..”

The other long-haired knight, meanwhile, had sunk down to the ground beside the weapons rack and wrapped his arms around himself. He stared blankly out, even as Percival gently grabbed his arm.

“Gwaine, are you okay?”

“I’m not the one you should be asking,” he said, his voice anguished, as he finally reacted to them. There were tears in his eyes as he looked up at them, despite him usually not liking to show much vulnerability. “Leon, I’m so sorry. I  _ hurt _ you.”

“It’s okay,” the First Knight accepted his apology. Which was rare, but then again, Gwaine usually said sorry much more flippantly and for things they could tell he didn’t really regret. This time, it was said like a confession, and the guilt in his eyes was heart wrenching. “The wound’s healed already, and barely left a scar,” Leon said to try to lessen it. The reassurance didn’t seem to help much.

“I think we should call it a day,” Arthur suggested.

Everyone seemed inclined to agree. Percival helped Gwaine to his feet, and Merlin kept a close eye on Leon as they cleaned up the practice field together and headed inside. Elyan in particular seemed happy to get back into the castle. Despite it not being a very chilly evening, he had been wrapped tightly in his cloak, as well as his hoodie worn beneath his chainmail and gambeson and a scarf wrapped around his neck. Since being possessed by the ghost boy, he seemed to chill easily. And Lancelot had hardly said a word all throughout practice. It was even more surprising, then, when he spoke up after dinner, when they were all about to retire to their rooms.

“Could I stay with someone?” he asked softly. At another time, the words might have been lost in the noise, but as it was, they were heard clearly since the only other noises were the sounds of spoons scraping against bowls. Everyone turned to look at him, which evidently made him self conscious as he looked down to avoid meeting their eyes. “Sorry, I just… I don’t feel real tonight, and I don’t want to be alone.”

“What do you mean, you don’t feel real?” Arthur asked, more gently than he might have.

“I- sorry, I don’t know if that’s the right phrase, I don’t know how else to describe it. Maybe that I don’t feel like myself?” Instantly half the knights at the table stiffened, set on edge by the idea that Morgana might be trying to take back control of him.

“Like when you were a shade?” Merlin was the one brave enough to voice the question.

“S-somewhat, not as bad as that, but…”

“I understand what you mean,” Elyan reassured him. “I get that sometimes too.” Gwaine offered him a sympathetic look at that confession, while Arthur still just looked confused and Merlin’s eyebrows were pinched in concern.

“Of course we can stay with you,” Leon agreed. “Do you want to go back to your room? We can start a fire, and bring some warmed wine with us.” These suggestions were clearly made with Elyan in mind, as the smaller knight was shivering. Lancelot nodded, and Percival went to go grab the wine while the others helped Merlin gather up the dishes to take back to the kitchen. 

The servant also came with them when they retreated to the knight’s room, and quickly got a strong fire going in the hearth. Elyan claimed a seat on the stone close to it, while Percival hesitantly sat down in the threadbare armchair near him, looking worried that it would collapse under him. All of the commoner knights had rather worn out furniture, acquired secondhand from the real nobles. Leon took a seat on a footstool across from them. Gwaine looked to Lancelot for permission to sit on the bed, since the only other piece of furniture in the room was a chest with fabric draped over it.

“Go ahead,” Lancelot agreed, gesturing over the bed before returning to his task of taking off his belt. He hastily removed his sword and scabbard from around his waist and shoved them in the chest, knocking the cloth off of it as he did so. It seemed that the only weapon he would trust himself with was the small sewing needle he picked up from the ground along with the fabric and thread. Arthur took a seat on the now cleared off lid of the chest, while Lance went and took a seat on the ground in front of Percival, leaning back against his legs.

“This is cozy!” Merlin said cheerfully as he stoked the fire, attempting to inject some levity into the otherwise somber scene. He knew what being mind controlled could do to someone, having been controlled by the Fomorrah himself not long ago, but he was worried about all the knights and the way they didn’t seem to be handling their experiences. Even Percival, who outwardly seemed the least affected, was probably just trying to put on a brave face for the others.

“It is,” Leon agreed after a moment in which no one else spoke. He poured a cup of the mulled wine for the servant, as well as one for Elyan. He tried to pass one to Lancelot, but Percival took it instead, since the other knight had his hands full. He was sewing, focused on the quilt he was making for Elyan. Gwen had taught him the basics of how to sew, during a lesson that Arthur demanded Merlin be present at to chaperone since he didn’t trust his wife with the knight, and he found himself turning to it more and more when he was upset. It was calming, and gave him something he could control when he didn’t feel like himself.

Just being around the other knights, who were sleeping, reading, or simply conversing quietly, did do a lot to make him feel more grounded. Leaning back against Percival’s legs was especially helpful. They may have all been battling some demons, but at least none of them were alone in the fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated, and/or you can come talk to me on tumblr where I'm @gremlinbehaviour


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